---------------------------------------- Ranma 1/2 Backstory: Happousai by Space Pirate Hamster - based *directly* on a situation created by Rumiko Takahashi ---------------------------------------- 20 Years Ago: Breathing hard with the requisite adrenal rush, Happosai dodged into a convenient air-vent. He froze, listening to the loud stacatto static of several pairs of hard stilletto heels hitting the tile at a running pace. After a few seconds, the stacatto died down, the nurses having lost track of their prey. The shriveled martial artist exhaled heavily, letting his tension go with his breath. He reached into his sack, to catalogue his winnings. "One bra," He sighed. "And an ugly one at that. No lace or frills. No piping or pretty bows... What's a poor old man to do?" *Oh, well. You can't win them all...* No! That was Soun talking, damnitt! You *could* win them all. You just had to figure out how. Slipping into his 'Locker Room Sneak Peek' technique, Happosai stashed his bag and slid his tiny frame out of the vent. He decided to take a walk to perhaps get a new perspective on his problem. It wasn't that the nurses were very powerful. They were just women. They were, however, very observant. Pediatric nurses had to be, for obvious reasons. Spying on the shower was okay, he guessed. A glomp or two there, however, led very quickly to a banged up skull. On the other hand, Happosai could caress his silky darlings at whatever length he cared, if only he could get them out from under the watchful eyes of their captors. It was just one of the many problems he was face with these days. Invisibly, he turned at a junction between hallways, not really sure, nor really caring where his path took him. As he walked, his thoughts drifted to his other big problem, his two deciples, who were currently hiding out in a small villiage nearby. Soun and Genma were the two best young martial artists he had come across since he was a young man himself. They were spoiled and childish, however. Happosai could only give them the basics if they refused to use their ki, and so far, neither one had shown any desire to do so. It wasn't that they didn't have reason either. After the first few weeks of fitness drills and basic re- training, Happosai started goading them. He placed them in hazardous or embarassing situations, desparately trying to get one or the both of them to display *some* ki. After all, they had both shown great aptitude. He was giving them every reason to hate and kill him, yet they resorted to deception and cowardice instead of outright rage and attack. Soun... the boy had such raw pent-up emotion! Happosai caught the edges of a Shi-shi-houkodan once or twice from the young man, but rather than let the power of his emotions amplify his attacks, Soun became a crybaby instead. Bah, it was all Genma's fault, he rationalized. He was such a poor influence on Soun. He had the morals of a theif, and less willpower. The mind under his stocky frame was powerful, however. When left alone, he could always come up with a good scheme to ease his work, or fill his belly. The real problem lay in the fact that his mental prowess made him lazy. Why work when you could con someone else into it? He, too, showed aptitude for harnessing and releasing his ki, but at every turn, he took the easy way out. He never bothered to spend his time meditating or building his ki. *Perhaps I should introduce him to some more of my *exotic* meditation techniques.* Why spend time mulling one's navel and the secrets of the universe when you could just as easily find your center through applied contemplation of your desires? Perhaps that was the secret. If he taught Genma to draw strength from his desires, as he did, the boy *might* just start to show some real power. If only... His thoughts were disrupted as he noticed a tiny, elven face staring at him from under a blanket. "What'ca doin' 'ji-san?" the little girl chirped. Happosai realized he was in the middle of a restricted ward. It's only occupant was the child in front of him. *It's the one flaw in my techinique,* he thought. No matter how he concentrated, small children could always see through the sight while unseen trick. He shook his head. "Just going for a walk. Don't mind me." "Ummm..." she paused, and coughed a little. "Why?" Happosai felt a smile creeping across his gnarled face. "I have two students who refuse to do their homework. I just can't handle them." "Maybe you should take away their teddy when they bad. 'Sat what happens when I's bad." "Teddy?" the old man asked. Surely a girl so young wouldn't be wearing such lacy... "Oh," he noted as the little girl pulled out a ragged stuffed animal from under the blanket. It was at one time a bear, he supposed, but now it resembled nothing more than a whale or a sea- creature of some sort. The girl crushed it to her face. She held it as if it were her only lifeline. "The nurses take it away from you?" he asked, incredulously. "'S Nurse Horsey-Facey. She says I's horribly little girl and should die." That would be that bitch, Nurse Oketachi. Happosai allowed his eyes to narrow in anger. She was the ugliest, meanest excuse for a healer and caretaker of children Happosai had ever met. He didn't even bother trying to break into her undergarments when he invaded the locker room. "What's your name, little girl?" he asked, curiously toying with the idea of some just punishment on behalf of the child. "'S Hinako." "Hmm..." Stepping around to the end of the bed, he lifted the little girl's chart and began leafing through all the papers and graphs attached to the clipboard. Coming out from under the blanket to see what he was doing, Hinako leaned over the end of her bed rail. For the first time, Happosai could see the girl's features. While she had a beautiful face, her hair was a dull, stringy brown. It was loose and matted. In one or two places, it had come away from her scalp entirely in great chunks. Happosai frowned as he noted the tiny light bruises running up the girls arms and into her hospital gown. They were consistent with the diagnosis on the chart. "Doctor says my blood is sick," the little girl confirmed. Pediatric Leukemia. *Damn,* the little pervert thought to himself. *Such a waste.* Besides her having to suffer a slow, painful death, Happosai could easily see the buxom young woman this child would become in time, if only she had the chance. He shook his head sadly. Amoung his other pursuits, Happosai kept up with medicine. In his line of work, he *had* to. There was little chemotherapy would do for a case this advanced. And while bone-marrow transplants were becoming more common, they were still fairly rare. He doubted the girl would last long enough, *if* a donor were even being sought. Then it came to him. It was a technique he had seen his master's master perform when he was a child. He'd have to find the scroll, but... "How would you like to make Nurse Horsey-facey leave you alone, Hinako-chan?" "Yeah!" The little girl excitedly sat up in bed. Happosai suppressed a wince as several strands of her hair floated to the floor. "Are you a doctor?" she asked. "Can you make me all better?" "Call me Doctor Happi. I can help you to make yourself better, but there may be some side effects." "What?" "Well," he explained. "You may not grow anymore. You might also grow for little bits of time." Happosai twisted his mouth as uncomprehension sat toad-like in the girl's eyes. "Like a flower that only blooms during the day. You might be grown up for a little bit, and then be a little girl again." Hinako nodded sadly. "I ain't gonna get any better with the..." she paused for a second, unsure of what to say. "...treatments... Am I?" Happosai shook his head. "Maybe, but I don't think so." "I wanna get better." An evil smile broke over Happosai's face. If this worked right, it might just solve *his* problems as well. He had the girl lay face down on her bed, and administered a brisk, ki releasing massage. It would improve her health, but the real gains would come when he applied the pressure points from the scroll. "I'll be back this same time tomorrow," he promised. "Pinky Promise?" "Pinky Promise!" * * * Happosai shook his head in disbelief. Soun had actually *invented* a ki attack. True, the Musabetsu Kakotu Demon Head Heart Stopper was more show than bite, but it showed that the boy could finally progress. Maybe now, Genma would start reacting to his goading as well. *Maybe, but not bloody damn likely.* Happosai growled to himself as he approached the hosipital. *Lazy bastard.* He let himself in and made his way up to the restricted ward. Within a few minutes, he was at Hinako's bedside. Proudly, he smiled. Over the last month, the bruises on her arms had dissapeared and her hair had become fuller, even luscious. While she slept, he administered the five shiatsu points in the correct sequence. "Hinako-chan. Time to get up." he whispered. After a gentle prodding, the girl came awake. Her face brightened at the sight of 'Doctor Happi' but quickly clouded over. Tears starte to gather on her eyelids. "What's wrong?" he asked. A tear rolled down Hinako's smooth cheek. "Nurse Horsey-Facey took Teddy away because I couldn't sleep last night." Happosai guaged the girl's health and appearance. Her metabolism would have to be tested, and this was as good a chance as any. "Let's go get him back, then, and show Horse-face what for." "Yea!" Happosai let a mean grin cross his face, noting how much she had improved in both health and spirit. "Okay, Hinako-chan. This is what I need you to do..." * * * Happosai raced down the hall with a sack of appropriated undergarments. He let the nurses keep up with him, staying just out of reach of Oketachi's cruel broom handle. "Ha ha, you'll never get me!" He crowed, turning a corner in the hospital ward. He taunted and jeered, enraging the women. He made crude, sexist comments sure to heat their blood. Just when Oketachi was about to reach him with that broom... "Now, Hinako-chan!" he cried. To his right, the little girl stepped out of a side hallway and drew the five yen coin from a pocket in her nightgown. She held it high, and swept an arc, just as he had instructed her. "HAPPO-GO-EN-SATSU!" she cheerfully shouted. Her arc began to glow. Oh, he wanted to burst with joy and pride as her ki flowed into the coin, forming a lens to draw in the battle ki of those around her. Within seconds, the nurses had collapsed, all their extra energy drained off into his young student. If he tought she had improved greatyly before, he was proved wrong. Her hair was now even more full and lustrous, her skin was bright and smooth, and she had grown about an inch during the attack. Oketachi was the last to drop, stubbornly clinging to her broom handle. "Where's Teddy?!?!" Hinako demanded as the nurse finally dropped. "Teddy's here, Hinako-chan." Happosai offered, drawing the distressed toy from his booty sack. It had been in the horrid woman's locker, of all places. "Hinako got better!" she exclaimed. "Yes, you did. You have to promise me you'll do your excercises every day now, Hinako-chan." The little girl nodded reverently. "Promise." "Well, I gotta get goin'. I need to show those two losers out in the forest who's lord and master again. Good-bye, Hinako." "Bai-bai!" the little girl waved. *Now,* the pervert thought to himself as he exited the hospital, *with that problem solved, I can get back to the boys. Maybe if I get them arrested again, Soun'll use that Demon-head attack on the police.* Present: "HAPPO-GOJUU-SATSU" Hinako cried, draining the pervert as his head peeked out of Akane's locker. "I told you already, you geriatric delinquent, stay out of the girl's locker room!!!!" Flipping her hair back over her well-rounded shoulders, Hinako 'tsk'ed' and opened a window. The husk that had been a powerful martial artist floated out on the breeze, and Hinako closed the window behind him. She marched out of the locker room, swinging her hips dangerously behind her. As Happouasi floated out over the soccer field, he sighed. "I really should know better," he admitted to no one in particular. * * * Author's notes: I wrote this to clear up an apparent inconsistency (for me, at any rate) in the Anime chronology. Based on the assumption that Hinako was born in 1970, and 26 years old in 1996, when the manga ended, she would be about six years old in 1976, four years before Ranma and Akane were born in 1980. Thus, its reasonable to assume that Soun and Genma are still training with Happosai while he's teaching Hinako the Happo-satsu technique. Any one know the manga well enough to throw this time-line off? Also, unlike Happosai, I didn't keep up with medicine in the 70's. Alas, I was but a wee child.... When did they start performing bone marrow transplants for Luekemia patients? Anyone? Anyone? 19... Ah well... Merry Holiday-of-your-choice, everybody! * * * Hamster http://www.furinkan.net